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Problem Index

Problem 29

Dear Uncle Bearsac, I have a problem where I freak out when I lose any one of my teddies. If any one goes missing then I search for hours until I find it, usually just before bedtime, which isn't healthy. I can't do it the day after because I don't feel as secure knowing it's not there.

A few years ago I gave away one of my teddies I had since I was born and have been upset about it since. That's most likely why I'm so upset about it all, but I need some advice on how to cope and deal with it. It's like I'm being ungrateful towards my teddy. Many thanks if you can help.

Bearsac's reply to problem 29

It is a sad thing for humans to lose their teddies and for the teddies to lose etheir owners. Loss is part of life though and we have to move on after a time of greaving.

The loss of this treaured bear might well have left a lasting indent on your soul but I am sure that your old teddy is in safe loving hands and has fond memories of you. Us teddies don't feel that our humans are ungrateful when they give us away in love. We realise that it is part of being human and that if given away rather than thrown away it is from a loving heart and for the assumed best interests of our welfare.

Could you maybe get back the teddy you gave away if the person you gave it to has lost interest in it? If it was a child they might soon decide they are too old for teddies.

Maybe you could meet and talk to teddy in your dreams

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Problem 28

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Hello, my name is Flopsy. Im very scared and alone as my owner left me on holiday. She didnt mean to as she loves me dearly. What should I do and how can I return to her? Flopsy O_o

Bearsac's reply to problem 28

Dear Flopsy

I am so sad for you. It reminds me of when my owner lost my cousin Rizla (who belonged to her ex boyfriend) in Itlaly. I was distraught.

Could you maybe find the reception of the hotel your owner was staying at. If you can't speak or they don't understand you then find the key to the room and wave it in front of the faces of the reception staff. I am sure they deal wit a lot of lost teddies.

Like I am sure has had happen with Rizla I am sure if you are not reunited back with your owner then instead a new person will love and take care of you.

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Problem 27

Dear Uncle Bearsac Sir

My daughter is a lovely teddy bear and is growing up very fast. She has started to ask me what certain bad words mean. I am not sure if I should tell her as I am worried that she might use these words and get herself a bad name and show me up. She has Asperger’s Syndrome and is socially naive compared to her peers. On the other hand I wonder if my not knowing telling her will make her defiant and therefore more likely to use them.
-- Worried Daddy Bear

Bearsac's reply to problem 27

Dear Worried Daddy Bear

No need to call me Sir.

It can be embarrassing when our child teddies behave in ways we think make it look like we are doing a bad job of bringing them up and we can often forget their needs in our embarrassment.

I think it important that we teach our teddy children swear words and slang words in a positive way. Human children often use words without knowing the meaning and without thought to the effect using them might have when they use them in the wrong setting.

In teaching the meaning of words you also need to explain when it is ‘sort of’ OK to use them and when not. For example – it is ‘sort of’ OK to use them in the company of their friends when they are not around staff at school but it definitely not OK in lessons or certain places in public and why it is not OK and the possible consequences.

If your teddy doesn’t know the meaning of the words they might feel immature compared to their peers that do know the meanings and they might feel left out.

They might use the words themselves in situations where it would be inappropriate. But if it had been explained to them the consequences of doing so in that setting, they might have not used the word/s.

It is easier for teddies with or without Asperger’s Syndrome to make their own decisions about the way they behave and the things they say if they have had guidance about what is OK and what is not in different situations. People with Asperger’s Syndrome, whether human or teddy bear, often don’t have a natural understanding of the social rules of various settings so rather than leave them at risk of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people they need to be well informed rather than left in the dark and told off when their defiance means they use bad words at the wrong time and get into bigger trouble.

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Problem 26

Dear Bearsac, I was hoping for a bit of advice from you ( I am a human). When I go on my holidays shortly, I am only allowed to take one bear with me along with Smokey who is my most treasured friend. The problem is I don't know which bear should accompany me without being unfair to the others!

Please help,
A troubled human

Bearsac's reply to problem 26

Dear Trouble Human

This is a very tough choice you have and there willbe more losers than winners. I could suggest that you get another human friend to hide of of the contestants and you take the teddy that you find last as a consulation prize. However, the thing with this one is that you might not findd the last, or any of the teddy bears in time for your holiday.

I suggest instead another way that is an old fashioned method of choosing. Simply give each teddy a number and put the same numbers a hat and the teddy with the number you draw out gets to go. The order of the other teddies comeing out gets to set the order of trips the remaining teddies gets to go on - even if it takes year, so make you make a note of the order.

Sorry but I have no ingenious advise for this one

Havea nice holiday and take lots of photos of the teddy, whichever it is, on the trip.

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Problem 25

Dear Uncle Bearsac

My owner's mummy and daddy wants to take us away from our loving owners, Sam 7 and Chris 11 years, as their mummy says they are too old for teddy bears. She is concerned that will not mature properly and that they might have their friends will think Sam and Chris are silly if they come to the house and see us teddies on their beds. Us teddies and our humans do not want to be parted. What do we do?

Bearsac's reply to problem 25

We teddies are a comfort and energiser to our humans arn't we. When they hold us and smell our fur they discharge their stress and bad energy. They absorb good energy and calm down; this is good for humans of any age.

On my daily outing and abouting I speak to many humans about their current and childhood teddies. It is evident from these chats that there is much love for our type from humankind. There have been many human adults who speak with regret that their parents took away their teddies because they thought that they were too old or were concerned what other people would think if they allowed their child to still keep their teddy bears after society's unspoken get rid of teddy bear age.

My owner Debra speaks of losing respect for her parents because they used to throw away a teddy bear of hers when her room was untidy (not confiscate it and giving it back at a later date). One day she got home when her room had been tidy and lots of her teddy bears had gone. From that day on she lost respect for her parents. She loves us teddies she has now and has at least 2 that she hid from her parents' cruel ways that she bought herself as a teenager.

I should maybe not suggest you hide away your teddies as it could be seen as deceitful by sad humans. However, if I will do anyway! But first maybe Sam and Chris could talk to their parents and explain that they want to keep their teddies and that they might need support in growing up both from their parents and their teddies. It will be a lot easier for them to accept support in growing up if they have respect for their parents and that means their parents genuinely deserving that respect. If Sam and Chris decide themselves one day that they are too old for you then hopefully their parents will put you away in deep happy hibernation until the day arrives when Sam and Chris as adults will come in search of you.

Message to humans - if your children are attached to their teddy bears it does not mean that something is wrong, but it could do. Rather than take away their teddies find out if there are any underlying issues for which they need comfort or support but don't assume that there are and scare your children with your anxiousness. Sometimes, most of the time in fact, we are simply 'Teddy' and are loved for being so and for no other reason than that. Adults love teddy bear and sleep with them too; some even take them on holiday.

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Problem 24

Dear Uncle Bearsac,

To start with---I am not a teddy bear, but rather, I am a stuffed grey wolf. I do hope you don't mind, seeing as most of those that come to your help section are teddy bears. My problem is rather peculiar. My poor human companion and I are rather confused, you see. She claims that I'm a male. Indeed, I like to think of myself as a male. I came with a voicebox, although it has only been recorded to let me howl and say one other phrase. I also came with a name that my owner doesn't approve of---Wilhelmina. In all honesty, I don't like it either. This voice, however, sounds more masculine than feminine. Why is this a problem? Well, I came with a tag, too, that indicated that I was a female. My "given" name is also rather feminine...What is a wolf to do? Should I change my name and get rid of the tag?

With Frustration,

The Gender Confused Lupine

Bearsac's reply to problem 24

Dear Gender Confused Lupine (I will use this as you use it yourself and don't like your given name).

If you think of yourself as male then that is what you are irrespective of name-tagged gender, given name or anything else. I understand your concern with the name; it is rather girly. However, I feel you should consider different angles to your situation as you might have them thrown at you and it is easier to be prepared to tackle this if you understand what 'you' want compared to what 'others' might want for you.

Should you change your name-tagged gender and given name to the masculine?

- You might feel more like 'you' if you did.

- You might be 'accepted' better if 'you' change

- You won't be confused as a female with a masculine if you did

- Some beings might insist you should stay as you are rather than change because of society's ignorance - that society should change, not you.

- Some might give it the 'God created you as you are and it is sinful to change'.

- Some might give it the 'Your maker created you as you are and it is disrespectful to change'.

- Some might come it with the 'Is is because society is telling you blah, blah, blah that you want to change?'

- Some might say 'why are you even bothering to get advice - just apply to Deed Pole and rip off that tag'. (taking it off with care not to rip fur would be best with this option).

- You might actually 'be' female but not conform to society's idea of whay that should 'feel' like.

I am not going to tell you which you should do or even which I would do. All I will say is - choose for 'you' and not others. Don't be persuaded by either the 'You must stay as you are because……' brigade or the 'You must change because……' brigade.

The choice has to be a selfish one for 'you'. Being selfish is not always a bad thing especially in this sense where the choice you make for you is for your 'self' and is not relevant or harmful to others. Humans change their names by Deed Pole and some change their body for either cosmetic, medical or gender reassignment reasons and that is becoming more acceptable - so name and name-tag change are no big deal really.

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Problem 23

Dear Uncle Bearsac

My name is Edward and I have a major problem.... My owner is a darling girl...well young women I should say and she still has so much love for me.
She brought me home seven years ago and still takes me to bed every night to cuddle up next to her; it's the best feeling in the world! My problem is that she speaks to me a lot and I can't seem to answer her back, nothing comes through from me to say anything to her. It breaks my heart not to say I love you back to her, she needs me to comfort her and I just feel no matter how tightly I hug her it may not be enough. When she is lonely all i want to do is tell her what she means to me and how happy I am to be her Teddy Bear.
What else can I do to communicate with her? Is there a way to develop myself to speak? I have a voice I just cant use it! How do you communicate with your owner? Is there a way I could do the same? I better go now before she finds me on this computer! I am not allowed to use it! You are my only hope Bearsac!
Thank you,
Edward.

Bearsac's Reply to problem 23

I am lucky in that I my owner just happens to be a teddy bear medium, so I use her to communicate through. She communicates teddypathically with teddy bears. Many humans who love their teddies can do the same even if they have not tried, so I am sure that your human can too.

There are many forms of communication besides speaking with a voice. You will, of course, realise that there is sign language for humans. There are also fingerless variations of sign-language for teddy bears. Without realising it you are already communicating your love to your human and she loves you so she knows it.

Edward, you 'are' communicating. The fact that she speaks to you even though you don't reply by the same method just shows that she understands your communication.

If you really want to speak in the audioic way then you should defy her rule that you are not allowed to use her computer to show this email to her. Then you can both work at her developing her innate teddypathic skills.

I could start sprouting about how the Social Model of Disability says you should not have to learn communication in the way that is considered 'normal'. However, I feel that that is just as much emotional pressure on someone than the expectation that they should communicate orally with spoken words. Instead I will say that you should do what YOU want from your own internal influence and not be influenced by the arguments of human models which are sometimes taken to silly extremes by humans hiding their denial or social responsibilities.

If you do try a different form of communication, to the 'genuine' form you are currently using with her, and you fail; then please, please bear in mind that you ARE communicating your love to your owner and she understands.

Her feeling lonely it is not because she feels unloved by you. Humans often need more than the company of teddy bears and even if she has lots of humans for company she is still prone (as a human) to feeling lonely at times when she is not with a human. This lonliness is no reflection on her feelings about you.

Carry on communicating your love in the way us teddy bears best demonstrate it.

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Problem 22

Hello Bearsac

I live with my owner who loves me dearly, she always talks to me and finds time to listen to me awell! When she first brought me home it was the happiest day ever! She cuddled me all the way from Hamleys in London to wear we live, which is about an hour and a half away. But every year at Christmas she does the same thing and there I am waiting for her to come home and she has an even bigger, plush teddy in her arms. She introduces all of us to the new Teddy but I am worrying that she might be putting me in the loft soon!
The room is so crowded with us Teddy Bears. She says she is an Arctophile which I think is a word for soemone who loved Teddy Bears. I love her sooo much and I don't want to loose her to any other new Teddys. I oveheard her also saying that she might be getting a job in a Teddy shop! What will I do then? I know she loves me like all the rest of the Teddys here but I am just scared of loosing her. She is 22 now and she will never outgrow us so that means she will never stop buying more Teddys. She hugs me, kisses me, sleeps with me sometimes, she takes it in turn with the other Teddys. I think I am just scared, her mum is always telling her off for carrying me about the house, she calls her a baby which I think really hurts her feeling because she is a smart and passionate person and nothing like a baby, she just loves Teddy Bears which I am so thankyou for!
Can you give me some advice on what to say to her, I love my mummy, she is my everything. Maybe I just need to stop panicking too!

Bearsac's reply to problem 22

Dear Fred Fred

I have a similar problem to this on the problem page but recognise that you are an individual teddy, so should have your own answer.

Whether you are jealous or not is really down to how you feel about the other teddies. If you don’t want them to have affection from you owner (whether you have it or not) then I would say you are jealous. If you are not really concerend about them having it but the concern is really that you feel you are losing out then you might not be jelaous.

I can understand your concern; no-one likes to 'feel' neglected of affection. I wonder if you might not be 'just jealous' but also maybe experiencing a current feeling of low self esteem. Teddies being bigger and plusher than you does not make them better.

I think it must be hard for your owner to divide her time between her teddies, especially the more she gets. The fact that she kisses you and carries you around to the extent her mother notices must mean that she has fond feelings for you. She cannot sleep with you all the time but I am sure her love for you is still as strong as it were when she first brought you home from Hamley’s, just that maybe her expression for it has plateaued, which is usual.

Maybe you should see the possibility of her working in a teddy bear shop not as a threat, but as something good. She can learn more about the diversity of teddies and love each of you, even more, for the individualiness this will make clearer.

I think stopping panicking is some very good self-given advise - Now follow it!

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Problem 20

Dear Uncle Bearsac

How do I get equal respect?

I have had a problem for years and I don't know how to go about ridding myself of it.

The dolls in my owners playroom treat me like I am beneath them. I am older than most of them but get treated like I am younger, even by the ones half my age. I am 42.

It is not an anti teddy bear thing as the other teddies - older and younger than I - get treated with appropriate respect.

I do not know what to say or do when I get spoken to in a way that others don't. The dolls do not do it to other dolls or teddies as they know it is inappropriate. Surely, if it is inappropriate to talk to the others like they are younger or beneath them, then surely it is inappropriate to do so to me.

Is there something I am missing out?
Am I getting above my station by expecting respect?
Why do these dolls not afford me the same respect as other teddies and dolls my age?

I have tried asking them, but none have the decency or balls to be honest with me and some react as if they think I am being cheeky when I ask them why. What I say to them is 'Why do you not tell Sebastian Bear or Dorrice what to do. It's because you think it inappropriate, isn't it? Well, it is also inappropriate to tell me what to do or ask me to justify myself.'

Bearsac, is that cheeky of a 42-year-old adult to say?
Am I getting above my station in standing up against this?

How do I deal with this in a way that I don't get labelled aggressive when all I am doing is trying to get myself the treatment I should be equally afforded as others are.

From Deely Bear

Bearsac's reply to problem 20

Dear Deely Bear

You are not getting above your station in standing up for yourself and asking why you are treated they way you are.

Maybe there is something about the way you come across to them makes them feel you have low social worth that leads them to think it is OK to treat you like you do. Of course this is not acceptable.

I have had this problem, and like you, no-one had the confidence, maturity or intelligence to explain what it was about me that made them think it OK to treat me less favourably than my peers.

I assume it is because they have insecurities about themselves and that maybe you reflect that to them somehow; or maybe because of the way you come across they see you as an easy target to practice the arthority they wish they had. This might be because they need to feel superior to someone because really they feel inferior to others.

I am sorry that I cannot offer a solution to this problem. I think you are doing the right thing in asking the dolls why.

Maybe some of the readers can offer a solution to this by emailing it to me and I can add it here.

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Problem 19

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Help me, my owner has become disabled.

My owner had an accident a couple of weeks ago and was left blind and badly scarred. Although I feel sorry for him I feel that he will become a burden for me as he can no longer see when I am dirty and in need of a wash and when my fluffy fur needs brushing. He moans about people pushing past him and tutting that he is in their way. He even moans that people grab his arm and help him across the road; they are only trying to help a poor blind person. This moaning and ingratitude gets on my nerves. My owner says that he is not moaning but that he is just saying that society is a burden for him as it excludes or patronises him because of his impairments. He says that there is something called the Social Model of Disability.

I do not understand how society can be the burden and when he tries to explain it to me he uses lots of long words that I don't understand and talks about social fashion models of disability. Not being able to understand him makes me worry. What should I do?

Teddy Sunshine

Bearsac's reply to problem 19

Dear Teddy Sunshine

I can understand your worry to some extent. However, I am concerned by your attitude.

Your owner does not need you to feel sorry for him, he is not a 'poor blind person' but he may need your understanding about how he feels. I will try to explain what your owner might mean when he tries to explain things to you but uses words you do not understand.

Your owner might be said to have 'impairments', but what makes your owner 'disabled', is not the impairments but society's attitude and other barriers. When your owner talks of the Social Model of Disability this has nothing to do with fashion models (you have confused what is meant by model). 'Model' in this context, means 'way of thinking'.

The Social Model of Disability is a way of thinking about disability which says that it is society that makes people disabled because it does not cater for their differences and access needs in a way that includes them equally in society. Society makes it uncomfortable for them as it either feels pity or intolerance towards them. Services like shops, leisure venues, transport, work places and other places disable them if they are not accessible.

The Social Model of Disability says that society should change to include the people it disables equally, accepting them as they are and not that people with impairments be 'mended' to fit in with society. It looks at what disabled people 'can' do rather than what they 'can't'.

OK, so your owner can no longer see, but this does not mean he cannot cater for your care needs. By all means express this concern to your owner; but I'm sure your owner can tell when you are dirty by smelling you and can tell when your fur needs brushing by feeling it. He could cater for your needs by having a routine about how often he brushes and washes you.

Maybe, if your owner is not embarrassed to do so, he can take you out with him so you can see the barriers society present him and also see how well he copes with doing things you maybe think he can no longer do. You also may soon see that your owner is 'differently abled'.

for more on the Social Model of Disability see the social model section on the Politics page or click the link below for a Wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_model_of_disability

Adapt to this model before 'you' become a burden to your owner.

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Problem 18

Dear Uncle Bearsac

I am a tailed teddy bear. My owner keeps pulling my tail; he knows it annoys me so, but keeps doing it. I tell him not to pull my tail each time he does it. How can I get him to stop.

Bobtail

Bearsac's reply to problem 18

Dear Bobtail

I'm sure your owner thinks he's just being funny and doesn't realise he is taking it too far. If you just tell him only each time he does it, then he might not realise how much it annoys you. Humans tend to need to be told things in a more formal way.

You could try telling him there is something important to you that you want to tell him and that you need his attention and support on the matter. Asking him for a suitable time to talk about the matter and making it a firm arrangement at a time that is good for him and suits you. You must be direct but try not to be too critical of him, else he might become defensive and not hear the message or he might do it more as a way to fight what he may assume is you bossing him around.

If your telling him in this manner does not work then maybe, if you don't mind, you could have piercings in your tail of spikes, that would soon put a stop to him! LOL! Only joking there.

You could even try pulling a part of his body each time he pulls your tail; some parts will annoy him more than him pulling your tail annoys you!

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Problem 17

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Me and my brothers Cyril and Cedric are falling apart but our other quad is not falling apart although we are made by the same people. Our owner, Hartley, tries to sew us up but we still are falling apart. Please help us.

No name given

Bearsac's answer to problem 17

My brother Choc-Ice is also falling apart, and his material is now so thin he cannot be sewn up. Debra has wrapped him in bandages and put a close fitting T-shirt on him the same colour as the fur it covers.

There is only so much sewing our delicate furs and materials can take and the loving we receive from our owners can shorten our life expectancy quite considerably. However, without this loving we cease to be real. Maybe your owner secretly loves your intact brother less that you, Cyril and Cedric and hugs and kisses him less. Have heart for this other brother, I bet he would love to be in your place.

As far as helping you, Cyril and Cedric, I'm afraid there is no help I can give other than the advice of bandages or an expensive trip to a refurbisher, so sorry but looks like you will have to pull yourselves together and just grin and bear it.

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Dear Uncle Bearsac

My girlfriend and I have been going out for four months. I go to tremendous effort to remember all those little things which make lady teddies happy like remembering our monthiversary on the 2nd of each month (when we met) and buying her flowers and jellly babies. I thought lady teddies liked all that and wanted their male teddies to remember. She does not seem to appreciate it and never buys or makes me monthiversary cards. I measure my comments as best I can, so as to not seem too full on but at the same time for it to be obvious to her that she is hurting me and also for her to respect my efforts and recognise how good I am to her as I have had a bad reputation in the past which I want to get rid of.

Hubert

Bearsac's reply to problem 16

Dear Hubert

You must realise that not all lady teddies are the same, they are not all heart n flowers and anniversary obsessed, let alone monthiverasy!

Just because she doesn't display the signs you seem to consider show she cares, doesn't mean she dosen't.

Of course, it may be that you are not compatiable. Although small, this difference could be an important factor of whether your relationship will work out or not. Many relationships end due to incompatible needs for affection and space than on anything else.

What concerns me about you is that you say you want it to be obvious to her that you are upset and hurt but don't want to tell her and you want her to see how good you are to her, respect your efforts and return your feelings and actions. That's stinks of manipulation to me.

It would be more mature to discuss the issue, explaining why these things are important to you. Explain how you feel when she doesn't return your jestures, don't worry about her thinking you are coming on too strong. You are still early into a relationship but not too early for the strong feelings you have for her.

Honesty clears the false understandings we have in realtionships, of any length. You might come to see that she doen't understand the unspoken rules you seem to imagine always exist in relationships. I am sure that once brought to light that she too, would enjoy giving and receiving these jestures. Or, you might discover that she's not interested in the same type of relationship you are but still wants to be with you.

You might just find out that the pair of you aren't suited. It is better to discover this sooner rather than later so you can each move on, if need be, before you've get in deeper. I hope that rather than carrying on pretending and manipulating, you'll give yourselves a chance to find out whether you're right for each other.

Good luck .

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Problem 15

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Like many of us I'm not as young as I once was.

My once luscious body of fur is now mimalist even completely bear in uncompromising areas such as on my chest. I've been to all the big names in furchology and tried all the products from 'fur in a can' to 'Dr. Softfur's fur regeneration cream'. Along with my fur I've lost all my confidence,

I was once the alpha bear having picnics in all different area codes but now I'm scared to ask ladies out on picnics. It making me depressed and quite frankly I'm sick to the stuffing of it, is there anything you can suggest?

Boob

Bearsac's reply to problem 15

Dear Boob

I have many e-mails of this type and suffer the same consequence of aging as you do.

You could have a weave of new fur. This though costs a lot of honey and is not available on the TBNHS.

There is good news on the horizon though; like bald human men, bald is becoming sexy in teddy bears. So fear not, all that is holding you back is your negative inner voice. Go forth and bare your bald patches with the pride of an alpha bear.

If you still have problems I hear the saliva from female teddies works wonders for fur re-growth. However, it is only visible to other teddies though and not yourself or humans.

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Problem 14

Dear Uncle Bearsac

I am 17 years old but look a lot younger than other teddies around my age. I have been told I look about 12 and get treated like I am too, even by those that know my age. I hold back from partying, teddy bear picnics and other social events with other teddies because I am afraid of other teddies saying something bad or negative to me. I work at a childrens' home as a settling in teddy to the new kids. A teddy colleague the same age as me goes out partying, socialising and loads of other stuff. When she talks about it she makes me think about how I don't. This kind of depresses me a bit more every time she talks about it. I feel I have to hold my colleague at arms lengh so I don't have to hear about her wonderful social life but I want to get to know her better and socialise with her but feel I will just be a burden on her as I look so young. I would like some advice.

Sadie

Bearsac's reply to problem 14

Dear Sadie

Right now you're finding it rather a pain looking younger than your age. However, in time to come it'll be a big advantage. All the same, there are plenty of things you can do about being considered a teddy of 17.

Firstly, apparent age isn't determined only by looks but by actions. I feel because you work caring for so many human children you may be absorbing their insecurities as teddy bears don't normally worry about these things like humans do. Human society are brought up to go by other people's opinions and children in a home may have even less room to mature as an individual; I feel you may be picking this up as your own insecurity.

One aspect of maturity is learning to value your own take on things. So what if somebody makes a negative comment? What they say isn't holy writ. Nor will their opinion be shared by the rest of the teddy bear or human races. If teddies or humans make hurtful remarks it just shows that that they have an unpleasant side to their character. You don't have to be nasty back. You could just respond by smiling and saying, "If you say so" or "And?" or even as the humans say "Whatever". Then find someone more pleasant to talk to.
Besides, everybody has one or two defects. Why not count up your good qualities and value them too so you get a more balanced perspective on yourself?

Another aspect of maturity is acting directly but ethically - to get more of what you want. Human and teddy bear kids have everything handed to them. Grown-ups get it for themselves. You'd like a social life. Up to now you've been letting your fears stand in your way. Either you can keep on being a wallflower or you can set out to learn how to relax and mingle at social occasions. Not only will it help you practice your social skills (again, a facet of maturity that we all have to learn), it'll also give you more fun and more to talk about with others.

Speaking of your colleague, exactly how does it help you to form a friendship with her when you push her away? Avoiding her is wrecking your chances. She's only 17 herself so she's probably also wondering just what's wrong with her that you keep her at arm's length. Why not just talk to her? 90% of conversation isn't award-winning stuff. It's just sharing experiences. "What did you do last night? Was it fun? Who did you go with?" Such basic questions show friendly interest. If you start accepting some of your party invitations (before others give up and stop asking you) you'll have something more interesting to reply to her than, "Oh, I stayed in and watched the box or looked after some kid". You could always ask her to go with you. Why not give it a shot, it's just a couple of hours out of your life. Whether or not it goes well, you can treat it at as a learning curve.

It's your life. Isn't it time you started taking control of your actions, thoughts and feelings so that you make it more like what you want? It's a great adventure!

Good luck, and have fun!

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Problem 13

Dear Bearsac

I have been demoted.

My owner got a new teddy bear for her birthday three days ago and I have lost some of the time she used to spend with me so she can spend time with this new teddy.

I used to be placed on her bed in the middle. Since this new teddy has appeared on the scene I have been demoted to one side of the bed and it's not the side my owner sleeps on; this new teddy gets that side. I'm placed on the side her nasty husband sleeps on and I can smell his bad breath on the pillow.

When my owner got in from work this evening she said hello to this new teddy before saying hello to me. Afew days ago I was the only one she would say hello to as I was the only teddy she had. I understand that she needs to say hello to each of us but why this other teddy first? I have been around longer, surely there should be some sort of order based on that; shouldn't this other teddy have to earn equality and until then shouldn't I be top teddy.

This teddy has beautiful long soft fur where mine is rough and molting with age. I am envious of this teddy bears fur and am sure if mine was like this teddy's then I would not have been demoted. I have suggested to this teddy that his fur would look better short as he is a boy, but he dismisses my suggestions to crop it.

From Prince

Beasac's reply to Problem 13

Dear Prince

I am sorry you have chosen to feel this way; but what I must point out to you is that it is a choice you have made. We may not be able to choose the actions of others but we can choose our reactions to them if we try hard enough.

First of all you need to realise that this new teddy is new and needs to be settled into its new home, as I'm sure you were when first got. Until this new teddy has settled in fully your owner may continue to say hello to it before you. Hopefully after some time your owner will say "hello teddies", so addressing both of you equally. However, I feel you have a problem with being treated equally to this teddy. You appear to expect there to be a hierarchy and that you should be at its top. This is a very bad attitude to have and you need to change it.

You say you are envious of this new teddy; but I suggest you are not. What you are Prince is jealous of this teddy not envious. You want this teddy to lose rather than you both to win; this is very unhealthy. I suspect you are using this teddy bears beautiful long fur as a focus to justify your feelings and maybe also want to take its power to be loved by peer pressuring him to crop his fur.

I'm betting this is not the sort of reply you were hoping for and you may feel it is a lecture rather than a friendly bit of advice. But Prince, I have to make you see that the way you are reacting is the main reason for the pain you feel.

Leave it a few more days then if you feel your owner is still putting the other teddy first talk to your owner about it or find a way to let her know how you feel if you can't talk to her. I am betting by that time she will be less concerned for this new teddy as it would have been fully integrated into the home. Once that time comes, however long it takes, you must except equality and not hierarchy either way. Remember envy is healthy as it promps us to achieve, but jealousy is unhealthy as it destroys and achieves nothing but pain felt mostly by the individual guilty of it. Also think about how you react to things and ask yourself what other ways could I react, how would I want to feel and what can I do or think to feel like that. You may think reactions are not controllable but how do you know until you try.

The best of luck to you.

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Problem 12

Dear Uncle Bearsac

I am a teddy bear on the run and am scared, cold and lonely.

I was stolen by one of the employees at the teddy bear factory where I was made. The employee became my owner, even if only for a weekend, after which he snuck me back into the factory as he felt guilty for stealing me. This short ownership was enough for me to become conscious, so I then became aware of the fact that I was a test teddy and that this meant I was to undergo CE safety tests which would include having a flame test and eye pulling tests.

I realise the importance of these tests but with having become conscious by my temporary ownership, I was scared of the pain and possible death that might have resulted in the tests if I have been not made in a safe way.

When the fire alarm was falsely set off in the factory I took to chance at the open fire escape to run away and have been on the run ever since. Please could you help find me a loving owner and home. I have had difficulty finding an owner as every time I am found the person finding me puts me in a safe visible place nearby where they found me as they hope the child they assume owns me will find me.

From Test teddy

Bearsac's reply to problem 12

Dear Test teddy

I am sorry to hear about your having to go on the run and your troubles to find a suitable owner and home.

I have contacted the Teddy Bear Adoption Agency and they are happy to look after you and find you a suitable home and owner. They are very loving and vet the prospective owners before letting a teddy bear out to adoption. I am emailing you the address but if you cannot get there yourself they, or myself, can arrange to get you there, so keep in touch.

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Problem 11

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Please tell me, am I still a teddy bear?

I am now without ears. My owner was told that he was too old to keep me anymore and his father chucked me out like a piece of rubbish. My owner came to rescue me from the dustbin but then had a partial change of heart. He suddently decided that maybe it was about time he put aside childish things, but could not fully do so. So what he did was cut off my ears as a keepsake that he could hide easily from his father, as I am too big to hide in full.

I have since been rescued from the bin by the dustbin men and I live on the front grill of the truck tied on with green string. That doesn't bother me so as I get to go loadsa places and I have gotten used to the smell, dirt and fumes.

What bothers me Bearsac is whether I am still a teddy bear without my teddy bear ears, the defining feature of a teddy bear from any other cuddly toy.

Well Uncle Bearsac, it's over to you.

From JoJo

Bearsac's reply to problem 11

Dear JoJo

I had a conversation along these lines with my owner a few days ago when she told me off for suggesting a young woman cuts down her toy rabbits ears and rounds them off to be like a teddy bears so the rabbit would be a teddy bear.

My owner (Debra) made me see that a rabbit cannot be a teddy bear by resizing and reshaping its ears; it will never be anything else other than a rabbit and that to be a rabbit is something to be proud of. She also made me see that a teddy bear has equal right to be proud of it's being a teddy bear and that neither are of higher value than the other or of any other cuddly toy.

By the same measure that a rabbit will only ever be and will always be a rabbit - whatever the state of it's ears or any other part of its body - a teddy bear will only ever be and will always be a teddy bear whatever part of it's body, ears included, it loses.

I can imagine that somewhere along the line cuddly toys and people will offer you advice, solicited or not, on whether to get new teddy bear ears. Some will say you need to be mended to become a teddy bear again and others will argue and maybe even agressivly insist that you must not give in to that negative model of thinking and that you should remain without ears to serve as a shining example of how society needs to change its attitude to include everyone equally.
However, what matters JoJo, is what you yourself want for you. You must be happy being you however you choose to be. But at the end of the day JoJo, one thing you will always be is a teddy bear and hopefully always a proud teddy bear that sees every other cuddly toy as an equal.

Good luck JoJo.

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Problem 10

Dear Uncle Bearsac

I am in deep distress and am a nervous wreck.
I live on the windowsill of my owner's bedroom, overlooking next doors yard. There are two very large scary dogs that have just moved next door and they live in the yard. The dogs bark at me with slime falling from their huge mouths. Their owners don't tend to them as they should and they are out there all weathers. I like it on the windowsill as I can watch the birds building nests and talk to them. How can I get the dogs to stop this incessant barking?

Midge

Bearsac reply to problem 10

Dear Midge

You need to send a big ball of pink and blue energy - the energy of love and healing rolling through their yard. This should settle them down. You may even hear an answer from the dogs, telling you what is upsetting them, sometimes it's a warning of a storm coming - other times it is because of something that has happened around them and the dogs are spooked.
Try telepathically calling the owners to attend to their dogs by visualising someone opening the door for them.

Sometimes we pick up our humans stresses or feel stress ourselves and at theses times we are more sensitive to sounds we would not otherwise consider stressful. So, what I am saying here is that you are reacting to the sounds because of some other stresses. I feel the dogs are signaling you to the fact that you are about at max with the stress and need to do something to diffuse it... There may be some anger in you that the dogs are trying to get you to notice, so go figure it out and deal with it straight up. Once you resolve the inner issues you will find you are not so distressed by the dogs if they do bark all the time.

Problem 9

Dear Bearsac

I'm an 11-year-old teddy with an annoying 5-year-old human owner. I used to belong to his big sister who is lovely. I just can't get him out of my fur; he pulls my nose about and carries me around by the ear. How much annoyance do I have to endure from this little brat until he grows up? I am running out of patience and want to pull his ears and nose but have no fingers.

Benji Bear

Bearsac's reply to problem 9

Dear Benji Bear

I'm afraid the truth is quite a lot longer than you have already. As you are older than him you have to be role model for him - like it or not. He will learn a lot from you. So ask yourself: what would I want him to learn from me? I'll bet it's not impatience and unkindness?

You could try telling his older sister, she may well take care of you for a while, this might make him jealous, then I'm sure he would be nice to you if you promise to come back to him if he is nice to you.

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Problem 8

Dear Bearsac

I am not a teddy bear, I am a human.

I have a teddy bear which I got recently from a car boot sale. The teddy reminded me of Woolly, my dear teddy that I had as a child but lost on safari whilst travelling with my mum and dad one holiday.

This new teddy, named Woolly The 2nd, is really getting me down. He remembers his previous life and is always talking about how well his previous owner looked after him and how she took him everywhere and what a great person she was as she helped so my people. I feel I come second to Woolly's previous owner and feel I am living in her saintly shadow. I have spoken to my human friends about this but they just don't understand. Can you advise me Bearsac.

A Human

Bearsac's answer to problem 8

Dear A Human

It is not nice to feel second to another is it. Have you told Woolly how you feel? I am betting Woolly would maybe share these feelings with you, after all who wants to be called something the 2nd?

Your new teddy needs it's own name and it's own identify in this life and not to be the incarnation of your old teddy. Teddy bears only remember their previous lives if they have a message to give to their new owners. Give your new teddy time to see you as you. It is hard for teddies when they do not have closedown of their previous consciences and carry it on into a next life. I think for both your sakes you should find another name for your car boot teddy, one that shows you see his / her own identity. I'm sure when this teddy has it's own name either all memory will vanish of its previous owner, or it will be able to keep the memories as a silent pleasant distant past but be equally happy in its current life with you and will see you for the person you are and the qualities you possess.

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Problem 7

Dear Uncle Bearsac

I have a big problem. My owner is really lovely and always treats me with love and affection but she sucks her thumb a lot and rubs my fur at the same time.
As you can imagine, my fur is slowly disappearing and my ears are very frayed. However, I don't want to offend my owner because she has always looked after me and takes me on all her holidays and I know she only does it to show me her love. How can I tell her I love her but want to hold on to my fur
Please help

Mr Ted

Bearsac's reply to problem 7

Dear Mr Ted

I know exactly how you feel, my owner kisses my ear all the time and it is withering away. This is a hard one to advise on, we know the sensitivity of our human companions and it's very hard to say things that need to be said without them feeling like they have had the guts knocked out of them.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words so it might be worth 'doing' rather than 'saying' something. Maybe you could get your local teddy vet write a vet's note to you saying you have a molting condition that is caused by a chemical reaction of human sweat and saliva when the fur is overrubbed. If you asked your owner to read the note to you as you can't read the doctors writing I'm she/he would get the hint. You could try being secretive about the note and then leave it around, I'm quite sure your owner will have a good nose at it.
A furry scarf (or at least a cool silk one with fur at the ends) could be worn around your neck or on the most rubbed part of your body so that your owner can rub that instead. If this fails then you could try honesty, the shock of what they are doing to your fur may not have even registered with them and their awareness of your issue may stop them rubbing you up the wrong way! You did not say the age of your owner, of course if they are too young to understand you may just have to wear soft furry clothes from head to toe and sweat it out.

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Problem 6

Dear Bearsac

I’m in despair as my owner won’t accept that he can hear me speak. I know he can hear me as his ears prick up and he turns up the telly. A friend of his mentioned that she heard me speak but he just told her she must be imagining it as teddy bears don’t speak. I yelled out that we do, and he yelled back you don‘t! When he realised he had replied to me he then insisted it was his friend that yelled out and not me.

He also insists that you are not real Bearsac; yet he spends so many hours on your website and sends you insulting emails! How can I get him to admit to himself I can speak?

From a teddy bear that belongs to a twatt

Bearsacs Reply to problem 6

Dear teddy bear that belongs to a twatt

I get so many emails about this sort of thing so I hope in answering your problem I also give answer to other teddies too.

Your owner does realise you are real and he knows he can hear you. But try looking at it from the human perspective.
Humans - in their uncertainty about themselves - feel the need to fit into how they think society thinks they should behave to be considered "normal"; this means they pretend and deny things about themselves - both to other people and to themselves. Some do not have the strength of character to live their lives by their own beliefs if they consider that they might be marked out as odd to other people. I think your owner feels that admitting you speak will make other people think there is something wrong with him.
I feel that he is dependent on the opinion of other people to feel adequate about himself.

You could try some direct action; turn over his telly when his team is about to score on Match of the Day, this will get his attention; then refuse to give him back the remote control until he asks you for it. If this does not work then I think you may have to just grin and bear it!

As for his sending me offensive emails, I’m flattered that he is spending so much time obsessing over me!

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Problem 5

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Please help me. My owner has acquired the knowledge I'm worth money and wants to sell me, I thought he loved me, but it seems he only sees me through his pound-sign-eyes these days. There I was sitting on his lap in front of the telly, all comfy like, watching one of those antique programs - you know, the one with the overtanned man - next thing he was jumping up and down squealing in delight and was on the phone to an antique dealer friend of his.

Apparently, the button in my ear and my age, nearly 100, makes me worth loads of lolly. I'm in good nick seeing as I've had 3 previous owners, all who loved me and could not bear to be parted from me. My current owner's mum, granddad and great granma - who owned me before - are dead now, so they cannot save me. I don't want to leave my friends and I would miss my owner even though I see now, he doesn't love me.

What can I do?

Sebastian

Bearsacs answer to Problem 5

Dear Sebastian

This is awful, us teddies are not commodities, why can't the humans see this.
All I can think of is to devalue yourself. Take the button out of you ear and get rid of it, that should wake your owner up.

If however you do get sold, then it really may not be such a bad thing. You will make new friends, and you may have an owner who will love you for yourself, plus there are better things to do in life than watch sad antique programs hosted by crusty old prunes!

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Problem 4

My owner dresses me in frilly doll dresses, and even calls them "frocks". I am then paraded, in my new attire, to the rest of her teddies and her best friends' hoard of gossiping bears. Pink silk with periwinkles and white lace is not my glass of jelly baby milkshake thank you very much Madam-no-taste. With this offending attire she adorns my left ear with yellow bow with green spots. I want to wear combats and crop tops with messages for the attention boy teddy bears on it. My owner doesn't hear my rather feeble voice and I doubt she would respect my choice of fashion as she is what the humans call a "Slone Ranger" and wears silk covered Alice bands and green wellies.

What am I to do Bearsac?

Fluffy-Wuffy-Anna (please don't laugh at my name)

Bearsacs reply to problem 4

Dear Fluffy-Wuffy-Anna

Rip up your slone rangers wardrobe, go on rip it up, be a bear devil, it's good for you. Protest to your Slone Ranger, you can do it, even slones get the message after a while. It may be hard to get her to accept your taste and to accept that you are a bear with her own mind and no longer in need of her, but this is for her good as much as it is for you.

I will get onto the fashion editor in "Slone Bimonthly" magazine and try to convince her to dress the teddy bears used as props in clothes of your choosing and you could spend a day at the studios and maybe even model yourself! How about it?

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Problem 3

Dear Uncle Bearsac

Help, I'm going bald, what can I do?

I was blessed with beautiful long golden mohair, the envy of many a teddy. But I have noticed, for some time now, that it is thinning. I have tried denial, it worked for a while, but last week my owner had me valued by a horrid grotty little man with sweaty hands and bad breath and I overheard him mumble that the large bald patch on the bear's back has decreased it's value. I'm in denial no more but I'm losing fur fast with the worry. How can I hold my head up in the company of the bears that envy me? I don't want to be a bald victim of ridicule, whispers behind my back as though I have brought shame on the teddy bear race. It's not so bad for the plain teddies; they have nothing to lose by going bald. I will have lost it all, the respect, the admiration the attention of girl teddies, why me?

Signed Bearnard

Bearsacs reply to problem 3

Dear Balding Bearnard

I'm sorry to hear you're losing your fur, honest. This is a worrying event for us all, I know from experience. But hang on a minuet, what's this you say about it not being so bad for plain teddies? How bear you! I'd say your attitude is more unbearable to the teddy bear race than having to bear your bald patches. I have lots of letters from teddies that consider themselves plain or ugly, that believe that one-day; they will have fur as beautiful as yours must be. But then their bubbles are burst as they start to loose the fur they believe plain and totally are distraught to see it not be replaced by beautiful fur, but by baldness. They have lost more, their fur and their hopes. So Balding Bearnard, never say plain bears have nothing to lose.

In answer to your question "What should I do?" Have you tried pulling long bits of fur over the bald patches and gelling them down? That's what the humans do!

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Problem 2

Dear Uncle Bearsac

In order to get this story to you I had to ask a carrier pigeon to deliver it to you. In exchange of favor I am baby-sitting her eggs, I just hope they don't hatch under me and the chicks then think I'm their mummy!

My owner out-grew me many years ago, and I was banished from the bedroom to the loft. The loft hatchdoor is locked from the other side and I am alone and scared and have been here for 34 years. I would like to think my owner will one day think of his once beloved teddy and come in search of me in this dark dingy dust hellhole, but I fear I will forever be trapped and will soon be but dust myself.

Loft Bear

Bearsac's reply to problem 2

Dear Loft Bear

The problem you suffer is a very wide spread problem, and the committee of my teddy bear self-advocacy group are planning a campaign called "Free The Teddies". We plan to get the message across to owners that have their teddies put away in unsuitable surroundings, to give them their freedom.

If you have any ideas, please, we would love to hear them, your carrier pigeon could of course bring them to me. Couldn't you get the carrier pigeon to take a message to your owner to alert them to your consciousness? The owner may think it's a prank by a mate, but at least it will jog their memory and they might come get you.

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Problem 1

Dear Uncle Bearsac

I feel left out and different to the other teddies in my owner's bedroom. The thing is, is that they all have labels and I don't. There is a beautiful posh girl teddy bear that has just moved in next door. She can't help being posh; she's a Steiff bear. Being a posh bear, I think she might be a snob and not want to know me because I don't have a label. She has invited all us teddies as a group, to her party. How can I go when I might be the only teddy there without a label, and how can I get her to notice me?

Signed Labeless Bear

Bearsac's reply to problem 1

Dear Labeless Bear

First of all, you are who you are and a label does not maketh the bear. Secondly, just because the bear of your heart is a posh bear, it does not mean she will be a snob. You seem to be jumping to a lot of conclusions here. I have met a lot of teddies with this problem. The thing is it is not a problem; that is just the way we choose to see it. Let me tell you my experience.

I don't have a label either. I used to have the same fears as you and it dented my confidence so much that I sew a label on to myself. I thought it would gain me friends and influence bears. However, all it did was make me look more the uncool fool I assumed the label bears thought I was. There was this girl bear I liked; she was very popular. Her popularity though, was not down to her ornate label (it had gold stitching), but because of her kindness and confidence.

One day she saw that I was sad and we talked. She told me it was not the fact that I didn't have a label that she didn't think me cool. She said it was the fact that I always looked so grumpy and that I seemed to expect to be asked to join in everything rather than just join in anyway like the other teddies. "They don't get personal invitations either," she said.

She said none of us teddies has even noticed that we have labels and you don't. She went on to say that she couldn't understand what I was so worried about. "Humans worry about things like that, but not teddies, which are more sensible and carefree," she said.

I never thought about it until she explained it to me, but I was carrying around human's problems in my aura (energy field that surrounds the body). When humans tell us their problems, we can sometimes get their problems stuck in our aura and start having the problems or feelings ourselves.

I was shown how to do Teddy Bear Yoga and meditation. It cleansed my aura and the feeling of low self-esteem disappeared. It's not that easy for humans though, they go to these nutty people called psychiatrists and psychotherapists and give them lots of money just to have these people project their own problems onto them.

So Labeless Bear, my closing bit of advice to you is, go get your aura cleansed and enjoy the party.

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To email a reply or problem yourself email me at

bearsac@bearsac.com and say which problem it is for.